You know the drill....I've lost and found 100 pounds more times than I care to remember. In my adult life, the maximum amount of weight I've ever lost was 50 pounds. On Atkins. Hardcore Atkins. Not long after my RE informed me of my issue with today's PCOS, I joined a wonderful group of women over on the FIRST ever PCOS support site: pcosupport.org. Now, keep in mind that this was during the internet's infancy. Chat rooms were just beginning, message boards were first starting...this was really weigh back when! Anyway, finally having women that I could relate to and who could relate to me was such a wonderful feeling!
My research and new found support system led me to realize that carbohydrates were the devil. They were making me fat. Well, that was reason #1. I ate Atkins up. Bought all the books, tracked every carb I put into my body, tested my ketones and I lost weight...10 pounds a month for 5 months. I was finding the body I had lost in high school. I was thrilled!!! And, I was miserable.
In order for me to lose, I followed the following:
- 96oz (minimum) of water per day
- no more than 20g of carbs per day
Do you know what 20g of carbs looks like? If you've ever tried one of those low-carb fad diets...you know exactly what I mean. It's not much, I'll leave it at that. I ate a lot of steak, bacon, eggs, sausage and cheese. And, I even tried pork rinds. Blech.
I'm not certain what about my plan worked...I like to think it was the combination of things I was doing. And, hell, I did get results. But, like the older (more experienced) me would say - or anyone with half a brain - what I was following was NOT a sustainable model.
After the initial 5-6 months, I watched my carbs but didn't let them control my life. I needed to live my life. Sure, I hated being fat, but, I was comfortable with my weight hovering around 220-230 through my early 20s. As every doctor's office has ever told me the moment I step on the scale and the slide the little thingy magiggy over to 150 and I say "keep going..."
"Wow, you hide it well!"
What the hell is that? Really? Is it supposed to make me feel better? Are they genuine in saying that? Are they really that clueless? Can they honestly be that shocked that I weigh over 150 pounds? I will never understand that. You know, to be quite honest, there's only been a handful of times that someone hasn't said that to me in a doctor's office...once or twice in my regular doctor's office when I know I was no longer hiding it well and the other times would've been at my bariatric program office...they know what certain weights look like. They don't need to throw a "You hide it well out there" because they know it doesn't help and they're not about thowing BS at the next fat person that steps onto the scale.
Fast forward.... -----> enter the man I will marry. Santa. Mr. Claus. My lifeline. I like to think I looked good when we met. We dated and lived together for 5 years before we tied the knot. I managed to lose 10-15 pounds prior to the wedding and got back down to the 230 range. I felt pretty good even though I didn't like the weigh I looked on my wedding day. Don't get me wrong...it was a beautiful day. I married my love, my best friend. But, and hold onto your hats kiddos....it WAS the first time in 13 years I had worn a dress. I should've felt beautiful on my wedding day. I didn't. I was too fat to feel beautiful. Wah wah me...can I get any more pathetic?!
Again, fast forward to today...my husband and I have been through good times and bad together, the illness of aging parents, death of my father, loss of a pet that was like a child to us (we are, and choose to be, childless), sale of a property, purchase of another, loss of jobs, new jobs...you know....LIFE. And, somehow, life decided to add another 70 pounds to my fat ass.
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